2021

Why? - Feb 22

I’ve always been interested in the search of what it means to be a better person or interested in personal development (As David Brooks notes in "How To Know A Person"). This recent reflection was triggered by a friend who holds that contentment should be limited to one's interests. Is that enough? Isn't that a surrender to the most lazy and banal existence? With no exploration, discovery or personal growth? There are already plenty of retirees who do nothing more than watch TV or look at their phone. It's all that "interests" them. How sad. They are missing out on so much.

From Brain Pickings - March 1 - Column Idea

When I walk — which I try to do as often as possible, as basic sanity-maintenance, whether in the forest or the cemetery or the city street — I walk the same routes, walk along loops, loops I often retrace multiple times in a single walk. This puzzles people. Some simply don’t get the appeal of such recursiveness. Others judge it as dull. But I walk to think more clearly, which means to traverse the world with ever-broadening scope of attention to reality, ever-widening circles of curiosity, ever-deepening interest in the ceaselessly flickering constellation of details within and without

a republic of racism and xenophobia for four years -  Trump

From Brain Pickings - March 14

A topic to develop:

Before Hubble, the study of astronomy had already stunned the human mind with the awareness that this entire drama of life is a miracle of chance, unfolding on a common rocky planet tossed at just the right distance from its star to have the optimal temperature and optimal atmosphere for supporting life. Hubble sent the human mind spinning with the swirl of gratitude and terror at the awareness that it is all a temporary miracle. "

And another:

The trick is to turn your own life into something that has meaning for people whose experience is nothing like your own. Write what you know is reasonable advice. Read what you don’t know is better advice.

The unknown in life — the unknown in ourselves, the unknowns of the world — is always a double-edged sword of thrill and terror. The unknown in literature, Winterson observes in consonance with the central fact of life — the fact that we are always figuring ourselves forward in an uncertain universe — becomes a safe vessel from which to explore the uncharted territories of our knowledge and our self-knowledge:

Reading is an adventure. Adventures are about the unknown. When I started to read seriously I was excited and comforted all at the same time. Literature is a mix of unfamiliarity and recognition. The situation can take us anywhere — across time and space, the globe, through the lives of people who can never be like us — into the heart of anguish we have never felt — crimes we could not commit.

Another:

ONE ART

by Elizabeth Bishop

The art of losing isn’t hard to master;

so many things seem filled with the intent

to be lost that their loss is no disaster.

Lose something every day. Accept the fluster

of lost door keys, the hour badly spent.

The art of losing isn’t hard to master.

Then practice losing farther, losing faster:

places, and names, and where it was you meant

to travel. None of these will bring disaster.

I lost my mother’s watch. And look! my last, or

next-to-last, of three loved houses went.

The art of losing isn’t hard to master.

I lost two cities, lovely ones. And, vaster,

some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent.

I miss them, but it wasn’t a disaster.

—Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture

I love) I shan’t have lied. It’s evident

the art of losing’s not too hard to master

though it may look like (Write it!) like disaster.

Ode to Eternity - June 26

To pause in the wilds - alone in a still moment of vast blue sky and cloud, the trees waving with flittering leaves in the breeze - against a backdrop of rolling hills and shimmering water is to feel the eternity of our world and assess our passing moment in it.   To confront the trivialities of our cares and dramas against the rock underfoot; that was there a million years before us and will be there a million years after.  …….    Pausing long enough   

Country - Sept 25

There’s too much stimulation in an urban environment to accept presence and reflection.   Better the woods

Agenda - Oct. 26

I’ve realized that the website structure that I’ve built in Gigantics is more than just a repository of works, but also serves as an agenda and framework that helps organize my goals and schedules - though there are sub lists that dictate some of those sections.

Drawn To - Oct. 27

It seems, those things in which a technique and skill set needs to be mastered, but when it is, has artistic expression (mostly). Including:

Drums

Writing

Audio recording

Video recording

Golf (?)

Gardening

Cooking

Photography

So I’m driven to master the technique with the goals of self-expression with them.

Transitions - Nov. 1

It's now been 10 months since I've retired.  Those moments in which I've "realized my freedom" have been liberating, but it's been a slow psychological adjustment.  

A recent article in the Wall Street Journal put the situation well, including the line "

For now, I have two angels perched on my opposite shoulders. One whispers in my ear, “Relax!” The other asks, “Shouldn’t you be doing something?”

The article titled "I spent 44 years studying retirement: then I retired" by former professor David Ekerdt, who specialized in sociology and gerontology at the University of Kansas, discusses his insights on retirement after a long academic career. It was published in The Wall Street Journal on October 23, 2021.

I may now be adjusting enough that the 'nagging imp' on my shoulder is quieter.  He's always been there watching what I do; nagging and breeding guilt for what I'm supposed to be doing.  

Similarly, I've spent so much time and effort preparing and educating myself for the case I'll have to make in politics, social issues, finance, art, music, etc…..but now realizing that I'll probably never have to make that case.  While I may engage in mock dialogues with friends and/or adversaries, they most likely will never happen.

I suppose to some it would seem more lonely to realize that nobody cares enough about me or what I know and accomplishments or the information on topical issues.   I actually find it liberating.  I really don't need to worry as much about what some imagined person/critic might say about how I go about my time, day or whether or what I decided to pursue. 

Nevertheless, I'll pursue them for myself.  I can just cut off those that are only for a fantasy that will never occur.  Specifically, it means I should spend more time writing instead of studying every current event in anticipation of having to know about it.   And it means playing my drums more for pleasure and heedless composition than doing pointless activities and needing to meet anyone's possible expectations.

(There's a parallel to this with the notion that there is no real drama or resolution in life.)

________________________________

For development:   I read an article about 'estrangement' and how commonly it happens with family members.  It may not be quite as relevant with my family; but it made me consider how much distance (estrangement in a way) I've deliberately been placing between myself and old friends and colleagues.   It's a combination of things; 1) embarrassment about inadequacies or mistakes, 2) keeping the nagging imp on my shoulder at bay, and 3) that notion that there is no drama/resolution or reconciliation in life.

Starts & Stops - Dec. 14

• Self-realization - that I've always had a belief in strength of will for myself.   That I could simply muster enough willpower to accomplish or overcome any physical, mental or organizational barrier.  Maybe that helps explain (along with a naivete about human intentions) my furious vengeance when I feel wronged.

   

• I am finding - and reminded of all those prior periods when self reflection, introspection and inspiration hit - of the constant admonition to slow downnnnnn.   It's being revealed anew with several aspects of age; probably most acutely in the perceived speed of days going by and the shortage of them.