2020

Jan 6 - Time in Retirement

Is to lose myself in different types of self-expression - compositions of photography, music, video…..gardening, etc.   With the goal to find peace with time (the clock over my shoulder) and to find a kind of spirituality in inspiration.

Jan 9 - Change in Age

This was from an article in AARP magazine about an author who was struggling to write and finish a novel that took her 20 years - until in rejection she found her own, real voice.  It spoke to me as I try to redefine my life in an older age.

"When we're young we have the advantage of thinking we're going to live forever.  When we're older we have the advantage of knowing we won't.  We change in a lot of ways over the seasons of our lives.  But I now believe that it's when we're older that we have what it takes to willfully change ourselves.  From fearful to steady.  From headlong to measured.  From measured to headlong, for that matter.  Whatever is called for.  I now see that changing not only does not threaten who I am.  It is essential to being who I am."

Feb 28 - Creativity & Expression

The trick is to create art and expression not about yourself (the social media impulse) but on the human condition - that all people can relate to.

March 25 - The Great Hole-Up

Sitting at home amid the great coronavirus hole-up, where we're all confined to our homes. 

The most amazing thing about this is the universality and the totality.   Everything, everyone, everyplace - has stopped.   Walking around town, it's dead quiet.  No cars.  No people.  Everyone is at home.   In every country.   THE WHOLE WORLD IS CLOSED.  This is really the most phenomenal thing.  All of us are tied together like never before. 

I think when this is all over and we get back to normalcy, we -- meaning the entire world -- should establish an international holiday (would that be a first?) - in which we recognize and celebrate our humanity and interdependence.   And on that holiday - we do nothing.   Around the world, we stop working, we stop business….We freeze for a day.  

April 26 - The Age of Covid

The Family Situation:

We've now been locked down for about six weeks.   The five of us had done a long-planned vacation to Mexico from March 9-13, which is about when everything got serious.   When we came back, Nate went back to his dorm, only to return a couple days later since they'd closed down the food halls and the dorms were mostly empty.  Patrick went back to Harrisonburg and since he lives off-campus, he's been able to stay there.  He soon got a job at a Food Lion, cleaning.   But we're not too thrilled with his constant exposure risk and he's now quit. 

Both boys were finishing up their semesters with online instruction, though the universities are completely confused how to process this situation.  Mostly, they appear to be giving them easy-out grades and chalking it up to the situation.  Obviously, no one knows how this will pan out in the fall.  Most likely it will still be on-line classes.

After our return from Riviera Maya, Chris went back to Richmond and has worked steadily, if not cautiously.   People still need their air conditioning serviced, so he's been out, but racking up fewer hours.  

Jamie suffered a bitter breakup with his girlfriend, Pang - who came here for Xmas and we really liked.   Stuck in Bangkok, he's been down in the dumps and wrestling with his psychic demons.  We fear that the quarantine has only accommodated his self-indulgent and self-destructive nature.   This is worth a whole column. 

The government's monetary and fiscal response to the crisis has been impressive (though not the public health side).   Personally, Children's Cause picked up $80k from the Paycheck Protection Program.    We're not eligible for the $1200 stimulus, but Chris was and got it.  And to my surprise, so did Nathan.  Furthermore, he applied for unemployment and has been getting that, along with the bonus payments that are coming until the end of July.   (He was still working at Jersey Mikes, but decided he better quit).   The government response has made some gross inequities.  Nathan is picking up $600/week doing nothing, while Patrick is working at grocery store at $10/hour in a risky environment.   Hopefully, Patrick can now get unemployment.  Martha has also filed for unemployment.  As of this moment we're still waiting to hear.   The government offices are so overwhelmed.

The strange surreal environment.  My days are more filled with enjoyable long walks.

Our move has been going on as planned.  On February 3 we signed a contract to build a house in Richmond.  Thank goodness. 

It's as if the whole world froze, and we've continued with our plans.

Sad to say, this has actually helped my transition to retirement.   I had envisioned coasting through a good part of this year, and now that strategy has been accommodated by seriously low expectations.  No one from the Board is seriously scrutinizing what we're doing.  So our house sale and preparations for moving have flown completely under the radar.   And I can now rationalize some of the retirement on financial grounds - that I'll be saving the organization money for the second half of the fiscal year.

I'm too often consumed by calculating our money situation.  I ruminate, probably obsess on it, daily.  'I'll have so much by this date, then add that much by that date, subtract for this or that - then end up with…..'   It's probably to exclusion of a lot of other more constructive thoughts.   But in this case - there have been so many positives.   We ended up not helping Chris with a house (-$35k.)   We didn't have to put more down on a new house (-$20k)  We ended up getting more for our house than planned (+$30), we bought a cheaper house than we'd planned ($400K) and we'll have a lower interest rate (~3.3%) because of COVID. 

It turned out that I was much more conservative - or circumstances much more advantageous - than I planned.   Yes, our stock portfolio is down about $50k, but that will come back as the economy recovers; and we have two years or more before we might need it.   Not that I really planned it, but since we decided to invest about 60%+ or our portfolio in a 4-year annuity in 2018 (coming due in 2022), we're actually pretty insulated from the economic tsunami. 

But I digress.  It's now mid-May and I've told most of the Board and staff that I'm retiring, which has relieved even more pressure and expectation.  We are now in the midst of packing our home of the past 16 years and it's a traumatic experience.  The slow process is like ripping a bandage off.    In a way, it will be better when it's over with.

We still do not have a building permit for the home we bought in Richmond, which will likely mean we'll be in Castle Park until September some time.   It will be an odd existence.  The first time Martha and I will be there completely by ourselves and have the ability to make changes to it.  Cathy is stuck in her apartment in Evanston because of COVID and even if she came up to CP there is no socializing and she's at greater risk of falling.  And her mental frailty make it easier for us to make changes.

More to come on the move.

May 17 - The Covid Blessing

For anyone who is a natural introvert (hand raised!) this truly unfortunate situation has been blissful.   For those of us who dread going to social events, we're now good citizens by actually avoiding them!!   For those of us who want to avoid interaction with people on this street, we're now compassionate by keeping our distance.  Where we were once thought weird, even snobbish or aloof, we're now expected to keep to ourselves.  

And this couldn't have come at a more perfect time for me as I try to transition to retirement.   I had envisioned dutifully going to final rounds of coalition meetings, gala dinners, Hill meetings, and running down to the office in the bus or my car, I now can quietly cocoon at home and not personally engage with anyone.  I'd even had a number of paper clips to count off the number of times I'd have to go downtown before retirement.   Now I've simply thrown them away.

It's accelerated my thinking about retirement and how I spend my days. How I schedule my activities.  I've started to think about structuring my time to do the things that I want to do - instead of work or family obligations.   It's so heady and liberating.   I'm now the 'seinager'; have enough money to live comfortably in my own house, have an 'allowance', a paid off car and I don't have to go to school or work.  Sometimes I have to pinch and remind myself that I've finally made it.  I've finally arrived at that place I've dreamed about for many years. 

Now I just have to savor it and 'realize my freedom.'  I have to maintain my health and make sure I make good use of the time I have left to realize the many goals and projects I want to accomplish.

June 9 - Pot

Alcohol numbs you.  Pot sensitizes you.

June 21 - Covid Destiny

It's now June and we’re seeing increases in various states. The stock market had been defying gravity and is continuing to go up……on the expectation that states were climbing down enough to reverse COVID.   But now Americans have become so lax with spiking of cases.  That is starting to flip out the markets - suppressing economic recovery and keeping employment and consumption down.  So it seems that economic recovery is directly tied to our ability to individually and socially manage the spread - our economic future is dependent on our behaviors.

A Year of Transitions - Oct. 4

The year 2020 will go down as a year of transitions for us - the Dahlmans - but obviously one of the craziest for the world as well.

Martha and I had planned a transition to retirement for several years with spring 2020 as a target date (after some delays).   We'd methodically gone through house upgrades in anticipation of putting it on the market - painting, carpeting, kitchen counters, backsplash, shower enclosure, etc.   We'd come down on Richmond as the location of the move; more by default than any definitive love of the city.   Chris lives there.  Martha wants to live in a city, and DC is too expensive.  And both Patrick and Nathan were in VA for the time being.   This was not going to be our final move, but a good location for our "go-go" retirement years.  (I wanted to live on a mountaintop, but that wasn't happening, so at least I could find some seclusion in a smaller urban area.)   We looked online for months and couldn't find the right combination.  We'd passed the aged of being urban pioneers, had done the suburbs, but couldn't find anything in the gritty neighborhoods.   Then came a new neighborhood south of the James.  I was pleasantly surprised that Martha liked the idea.  It had a small footprint, no yard maintenance, an attached garage, and critical to me; a bonus play room for me above the garage(!)   What's more, it was very reasonably priced (just over $400k) with just about every option.

We went through the design selections and options available and signed all the papers on February 3, with the expectation that the house would be built and we'd move in around Labor Day.   That also meant that I wouldn't do the "neighborhood picnic" that weekend - which was actually a relief.

In the second week of March we took a vacation to Mexico - near Playa del Carmen - as a sort of "last year transition" vacation with Chris, Patrick and Nathan.   It had to be out of the country so that Nathan could drink (!)

While we were away COVID hit.   It was surreal watching the world go into confused panic, shutdowns start and the markets tank; all the while sitting on a beach, drinking and dining in a Mexico resort.   We came back through Atlanta in one of the final days of homeward bound international travel and anxiety -- and avoided long lines in other cities. 

I no longer had to worry about going downtown.  The world was shutting down and/or adjusting to a 'work from home,' Zoom-oriented existence.  No more bus. No more long car drives. No more office.    Retirement in some sense was coming early.

The last two weeks of March, we hurriedly engaged a real estate agent and went about 'staging' the house, getting rid of furniture and assorted stuff that we'd outgrown, no longer needed, or wouldn't work in our new Richmond house. 

On April 6 we put our house on the market.  Trying to adjust to COVID, we wiped down the house.  Prospective buyers were to wear masks and gloves and not touch anything.   How in the world were we going to sell a house in the middle of a pandemic.   We left the house and two couples came through on Saturday and two on Sunday.   Two offers came in and a contract was in the works by Sunday night.  Amazing.   And slightly more than asking ($605k)

We'd arranged for rental period after the closing date, so we had to be out by mid-late May.  Movers were engaged and we started packing; filling the garage with a growing pile of boxes.   Patrick never did get the closure of a final commencement from college.   He and Nathan decided to rent an apartment in Harrisonburg - with a supplement from us if they took Inky, our cat.

May brought my retirement announcement.  I'd decided on the week of May 11 and let Susan Weiner, the staff, and select Board members know.   Now the search began for a successor.  I was irrevocably on the glidepath that I'd waited so long for. I took long walks around Purcellville starting to realize and relish my "freedom" and planning my life transition.

Memorial Day weekend we packed the truck and waved a final tear-filled goodbye to 201 E. Skyline Drive, Purcellville, Loudoun County and a treasure trove of memories.

We stopped at a hotel in Ohio and drove to Michigan for an extended stay in Castle Park.

June was taken up with cleaning and fixing CP cottage issues.   I tore out carpeting, painted lamps, had the water replaced and Martha cleaned bathrooms and cleared out or reordered the decades of clutter.    

In early July Martha made arrangements with her sister to switch places for two weeks.  We went to Evanston and stayed in Betsy's condo, while she went to CP with some of her kids and grandkids.   It was interesting to be in a more urban environment, with more masks and caution.  We saw Tom & Jeri and went out to visit my Aunt.  Cathy lives only two blocks away, so we developed a routine of bringing her over for dinner.  It began to feel claustrophobic; especially since Betsy's condo is small and cluttered. 

But it was in Evanston that we finally received word that the building permit for our new house was finally approved by the City of Richmond.   With delays because of COVID, we were now looking at a move-in date of sometime in October - about two months behind schedule.

The last couple weeks of July we went back to CP to recover and readjust.  Because then Cathy came to stay at the cottage, for what would eventually turn out to be five weeks.  Cathy was bothered by some of our changes - though they were minor. Martha was stressed and anxious by her mother's possessive criticism and pettiness (along with self-absorption) - and her duty to attend to many of Cathy's needs.   Helping her upstairs in the morning, entertaining, transporting and planning meals around her became Martha's occupation.   We had to ensure she had her NY Times; I had to get her cable tv setup and we had to ensure her safety in a place ripe for falls.Some of the meals were with John & Bea either at his place or ours - on the porch for safety. 

Finally, Betsy, John and Martha convinced Cathy to go back to Evanston in late August.   She complained bitterly that she wanted to stay past Labor Day, not recognizing that that would put an additional burden on her daughter (and son-in-law).    

As Labor Day passed and September opened, we had Patrick and Nathan join us; increasing our grocery bill by multiples.  Nathan drove out with Inky and it's been weird to have her here. Patrick has spent nice weather going to the skate park and Nathan has been going to the climbing gym.   Oddly enough, they have found Holland to be a nice place to hang out.

Talking - Oct 14

I’m always talking to myself.  I sometimes wonder who I’m talking to.  Sometimes it's someone specific, but frequently not.  And usually it’s similar dialogues or mantras.  “I can’t wait until…..” or “if I can get to…..”.   Unfulfilled ambition? Inadequacies? More discussion on this.